调查数据

在此处因好奇与好玩而设的‘你的生活快乐吗？’调查已经结束，调查结果如上图。

从调查结果大略可作出以下结论：

大部分网友，约80%都是快乐一族。其中的40%还认为自己超级快乐。因此可以说有多余时间上网的朋友们大部分都是快乐的。

大约20%的网友们觉得自己并不快乐，其中的13.33%甚至觉得自己的生活糟透了。这些朋友也许是苦闷的一群吧。虽然有闲暇时间上网浏览，却仍然不满于现状，精神上的空虚也可能是罪魁祸首。

参与此调查者只有30位。与期间的大约500名到访此部落格者比较，这只是区区的6%。大部分访客都不参与调查，也许是觉得没必要。

我原本以为90%的参加者会选(B)。因此40%的参加者选(A)与13.33%的参加者选 (D)的结果是我始料不及的。对我来说，有时间上网的朋友生活不可能太糟(试想许多连电脑都是奢侈品的家庭)，也不可能会超级快乐（想像中超级快乐的人生活应该会多姿多彩充实到没时间上网）。我自己是选了(B)。

看来快乐似乎是一种精神状况，希望通过文字分享我们能学习到正面的处世态度而快乐起来。。。。。

五个月

写部落格整整五个月，在此总结一下：

话说经济风暴降陆本区域肆孽一轮后，工作量减少，简单人生变得更简单而不忙碌，和家人朋友闲聊的时间也多了。

某一天，在星洲探望幼妹（幼妹是年纪最小的妹妹，不是我叫幼幼）漫谈时，听他提起母校校友的部落格 – ‘我们。重逢’，浏览之后大为欣赏。隔天无所事事，就在清风凉雨之下，开始尝试写部落格生涯。

活在当下 Live In The Present，选你所爱，爱你所选向来是我推崇的人生观，于是就戆居居的用了LG – Life’s Good 为部落格定名。

部落格就像是我的故事箱，所有普普杂碎的大小事情都可以写在里面。因为网络是虚拟形式的，所以想写就写，想说就说，不只可以像安哥爵之爵爵不休，还可以彬彬无理的大谈扩论。倒是非常痛快。

亚鸿说，部落格不只可以谈Principle of Uncertainty和Foodie and Travel Bug，还可以学偉強論政，华山论剑一番。就算对政治一知半解，只要多浏览曾聒，阿武叔 UNCLE BOO，林放 Lim Fang，steppenwolf-康华，爵士风云和朱墨华部落等等部落格，就能道听涂说，瞒天过海，走出一条康庄大路。

除了时事与政论，在部落格里也可欣赏到各路山城大熊与英雄好汉的文学艺术作品，例如Venus的诗楼阁，拿督C K HON 韩春锦的高水准摄影作品，云城的政治诗等等。

喜欢旅行的朋友当然不能错过龍貓愛旅行，喜欢幽默有趣的漫画则可以追看范の涂鴉空間。还有专业资讯如眼睛会说话。总之不管霓的名字何的姓氏，也不管你是何方神圣，部落村里总能找到你的生活空间。只要你带眼识人，近朱者赤，绝对不会有任何问题，别担心地狱门欢迎你。

最后，部落格也可结识到各地身怀绝技的网友，例如至情至性的草禾刀Bee Lee's space，乐天知命的博界王子SK/0617，怀才不遇（有朝一日必成大器）的vincesepten @ BLOG - 林炳文，顶顶大名的cityding，飘逸华丽的云之站JoanneChong，吉华国中两位才女合力泡制的阡陌行。

In the blogosphere, life is good because we can share………

一百分

女儿有点小聪明，但和多数小孩一样，喜欢玩多过读书，因此成绩向来属于中等。

老妈注重女儿的学业，尢其是学术科。老爸则重视品德培养，对学术要求反而其次。

女儿课外补读弟子规与三字经，所以对道德观念还算不错，不过从小有定力不足的缺点，明知某些事是错的，却明知故犯，或没能控制情绪而不理貌对待长辈等。所幸随着年龄增长，已有逐渐改善的迹象。

上星期女儿的道德考卷拿到一百分，他非常高兴的打手提通知尚未回到家的老爸。以往的道德考试时常棋差一着，拿不到满分，这回终于得偿所愿。

吃饭时，老爸开玩笑对女儿说，肯定是平时做错事被老爸老妈骂多了，才会拿一百分吧。

老爸其实要女儿明白，道德课除了考试与理论上的明白，最难与重要的是行为上做到，不要像社会上许多伪君子表面上满口仁义，暗地里却做着不法勾当之人。

长大后儿女们若能做到仰不愧于天，俯不愧于人就算是真正的一百分了。。。。

饮茶

和其他民族比起来，华人似乎比较喜欢饮茶。大致上，饮茶也许是香港传来的饮食文化。香港点心闻名遐迩，香港人吃点心饮茶的风气也不知曾几何时开始南下星马，总之饮茶一词使人联想到优哉闲哉的优雅生活。

饮茶也未必一定是喝中国茶。和友人到咖啡店‘饮茶’也可能是喝咖啡乌或香浓的白咖啡。有品味的朋友则可选择Cappuccino, Espresso 或Latte 等。喝咖啡也许是西方文化，却与香港的饮茶有着异曲同工之妙，也让人联想到优哉闲哉的优雅生活。

在大马，我们还多了一种选择，就是印度拉茶。喝香浓的拉茶，也是一种享受，但却风行在晚间宵夜时刻。尢其是足球迷们，更爱在嘛嘛店一边看英超足球赛一边喝拉茶为球队打气。

通常吃肉骨茶和点心时，我会配以中国茶。吃那西罗马或面时，就配上咖啡或咖啡乌。吃印度煎饼时则喝拉茶。吃日本餐或韩国菜时就喝绿茶。烧烤会时就喝红酒与啤酒。运动过后就喝100 Plus，吃比刹时就和孩子们一起喝Pepsi Cola.

一个马来西亚，多元化的饮料，让我们得享多种口福。Life is Good……….

育儿游戏

三岁小瓜从公园玩耍回来，和他冲好凉开饭时候，老爸对他说来一块儿吃饭。小瓜却又有自己主意，说要喝奶。老爸想想有饭当然是吃饭好，就说不准他喝奶，叫他吃饭。小瓜不得要领，就向老妈要奶喝去。老妈于是冲了小分量的奶给小瓜，小瓜拿住奶瓶可得意了。我赢了，从他咀里欢呼出来，看着他高兴的样子，不知好气还是好笑。小瓜喝了奶，就心甘情愿的吃完一碗饭。

老爸在用电脑时，小瓜跑来吵着要玩电脑游戏。等爸爸用完再轮到你哦，我说。小瓜不肯硬吵着要玩。老爸于是板起了脸，用东西要排队哦，不排队就不乖。小瓜还有点不肯，老爸就用手掌打了小瓜小掌心一下，他才就范。小瓜耐心的陪着老爸用完电脑，就开心的玩电脑游戏了。嘿，小瓜，这次可是老爸赢了。不是赢了面子，而是陪养了小瓜的小小耐性与纪律。

九岁小女一觉醒来，呆在书房看‘哥妹俩’。老爸说，先去刷牙冲凉才来看，刷牙与冲凉五分钟，你先做或后做也需要五分钟，但你慢做就被老爸老妈骂，为什么不先做呢。小女听后乖乖去刷牙冲凉才做其他东西。长大了，是生性多了，广东人说。

老爸老妈和小瓜与小女的这场游戏，各有输赢。最终的游戏结果若是陪养出品行与态度良好的一代，就算是皆大欢喜，大家都是大赢家了。

命运弄人

上星期电邮收到一篇英文故事，故事很长，达3663个字，但却值得一看。故事内容非常悲惨，主角们的坎坷命运，令人大叹命运弄人。

故事里的主角就如生活中的普通人，结婚后过着幸福生活。但好景不常，一系列的无心生活小纠纷演变成最终的悲剧。

最感人的一幕在于染上癌症的父亲在六个月里为尚未出生的孩子写了两百千个文字，让孩子出生后可以读到父亲对他说的话。这两百千个文字里包含了孩子一生中每一个阶段可能面对的问题，以及如何克服这些挫折，充分表达了患了绝症的夫亲想要和孩子一起面对人生风浪的渴望。

故事虽然长且悲伤，却可从中领悟许多做人的道理。

曾经看过一句英文名言：Live As If You Will Die Tomorrow, And Learn As If You Will Live Forever……

注：因故事有点长，没时间的网友也许会觉得烦，因此我把这篇故事上载到另一篇新帖，但日期却改成八月一日，有兴趣读的网友可点击这里：A Long Story Worth Reading.

一个人

随着首相推介了一个马来西亚的概念，最近也在报章看到‘一滴雨’，‘一棵树’和‘一盏灯’的广告。也许这都有关于树立起国家的良好形象吧。

‘一棵树’里描述了森林中的一棵大树，被树根，树叶，树干和树枝各自炫耀他们的长处与伟大功能而不胜其烦。‘一滴雨’则歌颂许许多多滴雨合力的贡献，不仅能发电，灌溉，还能让船浮起来等等。两篇文章倒写得很有意思。‘一盏灯’更妙，描述了临村的老伯虽然失明，却依然每个晚上在家里亮起一盏灯，为的当然不是看不见的自己，而是为了许多在黑暗中摸索的过路人。

细读这些文章，其中所隐扬的人性值得我们思考。

其实，我们每一个人都是一个家庭的成员，一个族群的族人，一个州属的州民，一个国家的公民，也可能是一个政党的党员，一个社团的团员，一间公司的员工。可以说是多重身份。

身为一个单位的成员，如果我们有如树根，树叶，树干和树枝般争风吃醋，这个单位就不得安宁，也不会有好日子过。每一个人若能做好这一点，家和万事兴，这个单位才会强壮。

如果我们每一个人能像一滴雨那样，虽然个人力量有限，大伙合力却力大无穷，没有任何事是做不到的。我们所属的单位能不强大吗？

又如果我们每一个人都有瞎眼老伯的胸怀，做事以他人为出发点，虽然不致以燃烧自己来照亮他人，却在不费吹灰之力下造福人群。

这些不算复杂的原理，却是现今社会里严重缺少的。。。。。

人生如棋

从小，我就酷爱下棋，尢其是中国象棋，更得到我的厚爱。

中国象棋的棋盘与棋子，与蛇棋，黑白棋，西洋象棋或围棋比起来，自有它迷人之处。楚河汉界划分而成的棋盘有如中国古代战国局势，将帅象士居马炮兵卒等棋子则让下棋者得以步署一统天下的棋局。

大概是初中时候吧，不懂表哥从哪弄来几本中国象棋棋谱，我看后深深被吸引住，如获至宝的拿来钻研棋中的奥妙。棋谱里所介绍的棋步单单其名称就已让我着迷，其中至今还记得的有最普遍的开局如顺手炮，列手炮，仙人指路，屏风马，拐脚马等等。一些必杀的棋步如双炮将，马后炮和马后车等让年纪尚幼的我如痴如醉。

每每在学校大考过后，因课程已教完毕，许多教师都给学生在班上自行温习。老师一不来，我们就趁机在班上杀个天昏地暗，大较棋艺。

毕业之后，却因种种原因如忙碌，家庭，棋友不多等而多年不再弈棋。但中国象棋在生命历程中亦算占有一席之地。

从棋理中，也隐约察觉人生如棋的道理。

如果人生是一局棋，那从出生到大专毕业的日子，就像是开局，开局开得好，棋局就趋稳健而有机会占尽上风。出来社会谋生至中年左右，就像是中局，过后就步入残局。有些人开局不好，却能逐渐占据先机，反败为胜。也有人开局实形势大好，却因粗心而一子错，全盘皆落索。

Deep Shit

This is a widespread story in the net since a few years back. I like the morals behind and think that it is worth sharing with those that may have not heard it.

During the winter, a little bird was flying south. The weather was so cold the bird finally froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While the little bird was lying there, feeling sick and thinking that he would soon die, a cow came by and dropped some shit on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow shit, he actually began to realize how warm it was. The deep shit was actually thawing him out!

The bird lay there all warm and happy, and soon he began to sing for joy. At this moment, a cat passed by and heard the bird singing hence came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow shit, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

性格

有没有想过，为何每个人都有独特的性格。它是与生俱来呢，还是后天性的？我想是众说纷纭吧。

大致上，应该有一部分是天生的，另一部分则是后天经历与环境造成的。

天生的性格，也就是遗传性的，我们不能控制。它决定我们的本性，因此有江山易改，本性难移这句话。也有说我们今生的本性是我们前生积德而来的。而我们今生积德则将决定我们来世的性格。

后天的性格，是我们自己修来的，从瓜瓜落地的那一刻开始，每个人都面对不同的环境，背景，人生经历等。这些因素的总和和我们如何去面对就造就了我们最终的性格。

个人觉得，影响后天性格的因素有以下几种：

1）家庭背景
2）童年生活，与父母，亲人的相处情况与环境
3）师长朋友们的影响
4）教育与自修
5）所有其他生活经验与经历

也有专家认为胎教，自然生或剖腹生，喝人奶或喝牛奶等因素亦会影响婴儿的情绪与性格。

你们的看法呢？

相关帖：九柱性格学。

人格分裂

看了英国疯妇患有多重人格分裂症的新闻，直教人啧啧称奇。

此英国妇女经过绘画医疗后，不仅成为画家，并可画出十二种画风迥异的作品，被专家指体内住着十二位不同人格的天才画家。

其实，上帝造人的确是鬼釜神功，无与伦比，任何高科技都望尘莫及。医学昌盛的今天，仍旧没能完全明了人体的构造或性格运行方式。

或许，每个人降世之时，就有着固定的运作系统。系统内也许包含着无穷尽的功能，等着被启动。不同的功能，当然会有不同的风格，因此若同时启动多样功能时，系统一旦不能负荷，就有可能成为精神病或人格分裂症。

众所皆知，我们体内其实也住着正义与邪恶，因此世上有好人，也一定少不了坏人。而且每个大人心里也都住着一个小孩，有些小孩却人小鬼大，也有天才儿童，就看哪一个方程式被启用。

佛教中的顿悟，也许是某种功能被启动。武侠小说中打通任督二脉之说，也好像是启动了一系列的功能，而达到武功突非猛进之境。

人脑与电脑，实在非常相似。但人脑的功能与潜质，却何止电脑的千万倍。再过一个千禧年，人类的能力与科技会达到何种状态呢？人类能否达到随意启动体内的任何一项功能的境界呢？

注：此篇帖文纯属幻想，全无科学根据。若能引发深思而启动了尚未被发崛的天份，亦是美事。。。。。

种瓜得瓜

自从两年前搬入新居后，因家的对面有一片空地，多位邻居们都开始在空地上栽种。有者种菜，有者种瓜，有者种花，有者种果树，好不热闹。

生了第二个小瓜后，内子全职相夫教子，空余时间就种种花草打发时间，也在对面草坪耕出一小片有机天地。傍晚时分各家施肥浇水时，小孩就在草坪玩乐，邻里们也可见面打交道，倒也构成一幅美丽的情景。

至今栽种过并收成的有番薯叶，小辣椒，柏菏叶，羊角豆，菜心，包菜，斑兰叶等。已栽种还在等收成的有长豆，芒果，黄梨等。

栽种果菜的收成并非必然性的，有时一连几天的暴雨会使菜叶烂掉。有时土地不够肥沃菜叶就呈青黄，甚至枯干掉。

耕种最辛苦就是把泥土翻松时得把建筑余下的黄泥与沙石挖掉，换上肥沃的黑泥。当然接下来的每天细心照料也需要一定的恒心，才能有收成。能吃到自己栽种的瓜菜，味道与心情都特别美妙。

通过种植，也深深加强了对种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆的领悟。种羊角豆必得羊角豆，不可能获得其它瓜菜。

做人也必定如此，多行善道就尢如栽种善的种子，最终必得善报。恶行者则难逃自食恶果的报应。

强记肉骨茶

上回介绍过吃肉骨茶的过瘾，这回介绍这间绝对称得上是王者级的强记早市肉骨茶。

强记早市肉骨茶位于哥打丁宜北上丰盛港的路上。若从新山出发，驱车朝乌鲁地南方向行驶，经过乌鲁地南后再直上哥打丁宜，在哥打丁宜市，迪沙鲁与丰盛港的交接路再直往丰盛港的方向行驶大约十分钟就到达了。强记肉骨茶就在右手路边。

虽然路途不近，但从各地为吃而来的食客们却络绎不绝。为了一饱口福，这趟路程绝对值得。肉骨茶挡是用亚答与木建成的亚答棚，别有一番风味。看看图中的车辆与食客量，不屑排队等位子的食客大可不必来。


这里的肉骨茶是沙褒式的，却有两种汤，就是黑底的与白底的。味道都绝佳。我个人对黑底的较为偏爱。直的一提的是吃客们也可选择肉骨茶汤中加入酒，味道更佳。

自从与强记肉骨茶一见钟情，一拍即合后，已光顾过许多次，其满意度从不失灵。实在是值得大力推荐的美食。

有趣的回文

在爵士风云那里学到了一些关于回文的皮毛。在此略作介绍解闷。

回文，亦称回环，是正读反读都能读通的句子，亦有将文字排列成圆圈者，是一種修辞方式和文字游戏。回環運用得當，可以表現兩種事物或現象相互依靠或排斥的關係（摘自维基百科）。

回文的例子（请试着反读）：

刷牙 （反读是牙刷）
关公 （反读是公关）
人上人
苦中苦
我爱妈妈
人人为我
地下天上
小牛比羊大
种瓜得瓜种
马来人来马
马来人国中
网上博客博上网
上水居民居水上
真亦假时假亦真
上海自来水来自海上

英文例子：

Fall leaves as soon as leaves fall.
You can cage a swallow, can’t you? But you can’t swallow a cage, can you?

数目字例子：
12621
123454321

马来文例子：
Kerajaan memerintah rakyat, rakyat mempengaruhi kerajaan.

是不是很有趣？

想了解更多可上维基百科http://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/回文 。

贱格

人是奇怪的动物，不只奇怪，有时还有点贱。

当我们很忙碌时，就很想过清闲的生活。当我们拥有太多时间无所事事时，却想过充实的忙碌生活。甚至有些人因太过清闲而另谋高就。

当我们单身时，就很想找个伴侣。当我们与伴侣感情成熟时，却有点怀念单身的日子。甚至有些结婚后又以离婚收场。伴侣太好人品，就觉得太平淡。伴侣变坏后，却要求奉公守法的伴侣。

当我们工作顺利时，也许会埋怨没有挑战性。当我们的工作充满挑战时，却时常埋怨压力太大。

当我们每天吃着同样的食物，就会觉得吃多会腻。当不吃这种食物一段日子后，却反而会怀念它的味道。饥不择食时更觉得它是山珍海味。

当伴侣对我们形影不离，我们会有点不耐烦。当伴侣对我们若即若离时，我们却很想他（她）对我们形影不离。

你们说，人有些时候是不是有点贱？

愿望

这是一则有寓意的有趣故事：

一对六十多岁的恩爱夫妻，在一家浪漫的小餐厅庆祝结婚三十五周年纪念。忽然间，一位可爱的小天使出现在他们眼前。

看到你们三十五年不变的爱情，并如此恩爱如昔，我就赐你们每人一个愿望。小天使说。

哦，我的愿望是和我深爱的丈夫环游世界。做妻子的先说。

小天使于是挥挥手中的魔术棒，两张环游世界的豪华游艇的船票出现在面前。

做丈夫的想了想，环游世界确实浪漫，但这千载难逢的机会不能错过。对不起，我的愿望是拥有一位比我年轻三十岁的妻子。

小天使和做妻子的都很失望。但愿望就是愿望。。。。

小天使因此又挥了挥手中的魔术棒，

噼哩啪啦，一阵烟雾后，做丈夫的变成一位九十多岁的老公公。。。

育儿随笔

两个小瓜向来长得都不肥胖，甚至有点瘦屑，因此有些忧心。但三岁小瓜最近却特别大吃，刚喝完奶不久一转眼又吵着要喝。饭粥也吃得比之前多。这倒把我们给乐坏了。能看到孩子们有胃口吃得多是一件赏心乐事。

小瓜胃口大了，身体很快的就稍微圆股起来，抱住他也觉得有点坠手。也许是吃得多，活动也比平时多了。看着他蹦蹦跳跳爬高爬低，觉得心怡。

九岁女儿有点好玩爱幻想。跟爸爸说她希望每个拜六礼拜可以每天有三十个小时。拜一到拜五则最好每天只有五小时。有时又跟爸爸说她要爸爸开一间书店，他每天可以带很多书和文具去学校。这叫童言童语吧。

在女儿四岁左右，我们就开始实施民主。所谓民主，就是每当在外用餐时，我们就轮流决定选择在哪用餐。孰料女儿十之八九都选择麦当劳，肯德基或比萨等快餐之类的，并且超爱吃薯条，气坏民主家长。这些食品偶尔吃没关系，若时常吃却有点不放心。经过常年累月的解说，女儿终于明白，当然还是爱吃，但却不再那么频繁了。

A Long Story Worth Reading

This is long but worth reading and is true story ... a story for all the
single, married, divorced, widowed individuals, who take life for granted. Please read this story until the end, it is such an eye opener. You never know...........

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.
I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother."
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better."
Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it." Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."
There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle. Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In her view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.
As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.
One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"
After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife.
To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.
I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.
Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?
At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.
That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me. His face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes.
My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.
One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me.
I can only hear my slow heartbeat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me:
Following mother's death so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?"
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart.
For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.
Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion.... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."
From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there. Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face....
A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.".........

This is a true story.

LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!! I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key. Take greatest care and live on.